So I overslept and threw off my whole grand plan. I borrowed a clock from the girl at the front desk of the guest house last night, and set the alarm for 7:30 a.m. I was going to go for a run, and then pig out at the free (or, more accurately, included in the cost of my stay) continental breakfast, which end at 9:30. As any good budget traveler knows, when you can, get the bulk of your calories for a day at a meal included with the price of lodging. Americans have already ruined their reputation overseas, my eating like an NFL linebacker isn’t likely to further damage our cause. In fact, maybe that can be my “gimmick”?
I had an interesting conversation last night with my somewhat impromptu tour guide, Jon, about the need for a gimmick to rocket me to fame and fortune…or at least assuage some of my ‘how do I carve a new career from more or less nothing?’ and money-related concerns. He mentioned someone he’d heard of who went around the world and would dance – badly – at varying locations (like the Great Wall), which would cause children to spontaneously join in. There’s nothing that gets kids going like crappy dancing…
Anyway, I guess this whole thing was filmed, and somehow a chewing gum company saw it and now this guy is sponsored to go and dance badly on behalf of Big Red or Hubba Bubba or whatever. Gimmick = fun, well-paid career.
For a while, we pondered my options. Sadly, “it’s all been done before.” (Where is my damn rubber band!? The lack thinking has snuck back in with a vengeance. Actually, I switched over to a hair band and it was in my hair at the moment). Admitting that it’s a sorry shame the market for bad dancing is gone (because I have no rhythm and zero groove naturally), some of my ideas were:
- Erroneous fortune telling
- Unwanted recipe giving
- Wildly inaccurate directions
- Completely fabricated palm reading (which probably isn’t any different from ‘real’ palm reading)
So back to this morning, after sleeping through the alarm (I tested it last night, and it was so quiet as to be subtle – not exactly a top feature in a wake up call), I skipped the run (with plans to go this afternoon) and went straight to the eating. Then I came back up to my room and decided to get some stuff done. Like bills.
Oh bills. Oh cruel, relentless, clearly mating and multiplying like rabbits bills. How you stop my heart and send my brain careening into visions of pain and suffering. The mere sight of your numbers brings a tear to my eye…all in direct conflict to one of the key points of this journey (both in the immediate backpacking Europe sense and in the grander ‘life journey’ perspective): To learn to trust the universe and ‘allow’ abundance to come to me.
Does this make me sound like a New Age crackpot destined for a hard fall? To my own ears, it does. But on the other hand (and not a plug for the truly revolting new X Files movie. If you enjoy the “Saw’ and ‘Hostel’ movies – neither of which I have actually watched, but the trailers make it pretty damn clear what you’re in for – then by all means, run, do not walk to the new X Files movie. If not, then DO NOT GO. Sick, sick stuff), I want to believe. I truly want to believe it’s possible.
And why not? What makes any of us ‘better than’ or more deserving or more talented than the others? I have my charms. I can be damned interesting and entertaining when I put my mind to it. I make an excellent statistic. To quote Ani D., “Someone should study me now. Someone’s got to be interested in what I feel, just because I’m here, and I’m real.”
So in that sense, why the hell do I need a gimmick? Can my gimmick be being me? Does David Sedaris have a gimmick? What was the Eat, Pray, Love lady’s gimmick? Nothing against gimmicks, it just kind of flies in the face of my whole point, which is just kind of being authentic and in the moment and trying not to anticipate doom and gloom around every corner.
Which, at long last, brings me to the point and the title of this blog: I’m paying bills and putting into practice what I learned during my workshop with Judy – pay everything off (to not do so implies lack; that you can’t or need to hoard), be grateful for bills, be grateful for the opportunity to pay, etc. – and experiencing sheer panic at the same time. I become aware of my mind racing and freaking out and scheming all kinds of worst case scenario back up plans like sleeping on trains every night, like I did when I was 19.
So I stopped in my tracks and resumed my positive thinking and affirmations and wondered if I was a total jackass for believing that if I simply had faith that things would work out well, and continued with my writing, and was authentic and real and genuine and simply me, and ‘allowed it’, the universe would dump good stuff into my lap? And then I did a little internet research and read a few thingsand decided yes. Who’s to say it doesn’t work this way?
So in that spirit – the spirit of watching your thoughts and trying to bolster your confidence and faith as much as possible – I thought I’d share the following, “According to The Holographic Universe by the late Michael Talbot; University of London physicist David Bohm, a protégé of Einstein and one of the world’s most respected quantum physicists, has admitted in private conversation to believing the Universe is all “thought” and reality exist only in what we think.”
Quantum Physicist Dr. Fred Alan Wolf states; “I’m not talking…from the point of view of wishful thinking or imaginary craziness. I’m talking…from a deeper, basic understanding….Quantum physics says…you can’t have a Universe without mind entering into it…mind is actually shaping the very thing that is being perceived.”
Although it should be noted that this is just one interpretation of the evidence and isn’t the conclusion of all physicists, the compelling evidence still exists that the only time electrons and other “quanta” (plural of quantum) manifest as particles is when they are being observed by someone. Otherwise, they behave as waves.
And so there, in addition to some generally trippy and eye-opening ideas, we have the insight into not one, but two mysteries of the universe: a philosophical question and a Buddhist koan. Does thinking it make it so? Seems plausible. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? No.